Your First baby!

You gave birth to a baby. This is your first-born. You are happy and ready to do your best for him, reasoning from the latest modern scientific information. However, you have little experience, and sometimes it seems to you that you won’t cope with baby-minding.

Young mother with her first-born, as a rule, faces a lot of psychological troubles and problems. Let’s dwell on some of them, most often.

Most of mothers feel tenderness to their future babies before their birth yet, even if pregnancy was not too desirable. However, there’re mothers who don’t feel any maternal love during this period (more often while pregnancy is complicated). They expect that right after childbirth they will at last feel an access of tenderness to a baby, while recognizing a dear only one in him. But, as a rule, this happens neither on the first day, nor even during the first week. Love for a baby develops little by little, as mother takes care of him and knows him better after coming back home and staying alone with her baby.

Many mothers often give way to despair after giving birth to a child. This is quite typical mood, especially with first-born. Young mothers complain that they even become disheartened because of the new troubles. Most of all, such depression appears while coming back home from maternity hospital, where qualified personnel took care of a baby, and now a woman has to face with care of a baby, looking after the house and husband. The matter is not even in the volume of work, although it’s very huge, but in an absolutely new psychological responsibility for a baby’s health and well-being, to which striving to keep house in a good way and give husband enough care adds. Many women are depressed right because of this new responsibility. Especially often this happens with young mothers who suffered complicated delivery and are weak after it. That is why during first several weeks after delivery you should take any help you are offered. This should be a person whom you can trust. Your mother can be an ideal support for you, if you’re in good relations and understand each other, and she doesn’t suppress your initiative or order about you.

Another psychological problem is that during first several weeks after childbirth many women become too anxious about their babies. It seems to them that they do something in a wrong way, their baby cries too much and sucks weakly, that he’s ill. They become upset because of any little spot on his skin, a baby needs only to sneeze ­ and a mother thinks he caught cold. Such mothers often steal to a baby’s cot, so that to listen whether he’s breathing. Mother’s excessive anxiety about her new-born is, probably, an important biological program, prepared by the nature itself. This program makes even the most careless and thoughtless mothers discharge their obligations carefully and seriously. Of course, responsible and careful mothers happy with their maternity need such anxiety least of all. But, after all, this stressed period is over, and a mother becomes calmer and more confident. The first weeks of baby’s life can be really a hard time: he adapts to new living conditions, and you gain maternal experience, learn to understand your baby and take care of him. A baby of 3 months old is a much calmer and life-loving creature, able to reward you for all your recent anxieties with a smile to you, joy and pleasure of your attention.

A problem of choice is also prevalent. Young mother doesn’t know what to choose after reading a pile of books on baby-minding and finding there lots of discrepant advices. Voluntary advisers increase the situation, hurrying up to share their and other people’s experience of up-bringing: the way to feed, whether to give a dummy, which toys to buy, how to react on crying etc.

Believe, you shouldn’t take on trust everything your relatives and friends advice you. Don’t be afraid to confide in your common sense. Don’t complicate your child’s up-bringing knowingly. Trust your intuition and observe doctor’s advices.

Remember, the main things your baby needs ­ is your love and care. These things are much more valuable for him, than all theoretical information taken together. Any time you take your baby in hands (may be not so skillfully and confidently in the beginning), feed him, bathe him, swaddle, talk to him tenderly, smile to him, a baby feels your care and tenderness, feel he’s necessary and loved. And this is the main thing he biologically needs for his human, social-cultural development.

Sometimes mothers treat maternity too seriously and see only responsibilities in it. However, this is absolutely incomparable joy. Your baby grows up. Try to find pleasure while everyday communication with him, observing the changes happening with him, seeing his possibilities, abilities and skills growing.

However, you shouldn’t refuse from your freedom and all the pleasures only because you have a little baby now. Of course, during first weeks after his birth everything is so novel for you, that you just cannot think of anything else. But too much self-sacrifice is not useful. It won’t bring use both for you and your baby. If parents are too busy only with their child, talk and worry constantly only of him, they can become uninteresting for other people and each other. Very soon they will complain that they see nothing except the four walls of their house, and probably, will feel dislike to their baby, although they should blame only themselves. It’s necessary to discharge your parental obligations carefully, but you shouldn’t deprive yourself of pleasures that won’t bring harm to your baby. From time to time you should go to the cinema or your friends’ place, leaving baby with grandmother or other person, well-known to a baby.

Relations with kin can sometimes grow into a problem too. Grandmothers and grandfathers can give you a good support. Moreover, they usually get a lot of pleasure from their grandchildren. Many grandmothers say they understood the miracle of a little baby only while communication with their grandchildren. When they were growing their own children, there were so much troubles and fuss, that they hardly could feel the joy of communication with their babies.

If a young woman feels trust to her mother, then usually she relies on her experience completely (especially in the beginning). However, many young mothers think that grandmother’s methods of up-bringing became old-fashioned and more modern methods are necessary. Often young parents want to prove they can cope with any troubles by themselves, or they are afraid to become dependent on their parents. However that may be, grandparents’ help is just necessary for you, although in the beginning. That’s why an open discussion is always better, than hidden discontent. Grandmother should adjust to mother’s methods of baby-minding as much as possible, then young mother will also observe grandmother’s advices when it’s necessary. Grandparents should remember that parents are completely responsible of their child, so only parents can decide how to up bring him.

Let’s dwell on father’s role separately. Husband’s reaction on wife’s pregnancy can be different. From the one hand, he’s proud of his future father’s role, from the other hand - deep in his soul he can feel himself unnecessary. In life, this sense of vainness can often reveal in excessive irritability, striving to spend time among friends, out of door, and even in flirting with other women. Wife, who especially needs her husband’s support during this hard time, doesn’t have it.

Then, after coming back home from maternity house, young woman, naturally, is more worried about her new-born in the beginning. A baby becomes a centre of her interests, and husband turns to be on the second place. During this period of family life a man, especially if he’s ambitious and egoistic, is disposed to zero on himself, may feel himself unnecessary and not wanted. But young father should always remember that his wife is in more difficult situation, as she has to cope with all troubles and anxieties about a baby and feels huge nervous and physical stress. Right in this time wife needs help, moral support and love of her husband. While helping his wife keeping the house and baby-minding, young father will feel himself necessary, family relations will become stronger, and wife will appreciate his care and participation.

There’re men who are sure that baby-minding is not a man’s business. Of course, this is a wrong idea. Scientific facts show that mental intimacy, mutual understanding and friendly relations between father and children are easier developed in the families, where father begins to take part in baby-minding since baby’s early days of life.

Yana Mikheeva is the creator of Baby Health Directory - Pregnancy, Birth, Parenting and Baby Care resources. Are you going to get pregnant? Visit our friendly resource and read information on pregnancy and parenting, painless childbirth, growth and development of a baby, baby health, safety, signs of pregnancy.

She also has All about women site where you can find articles on various subjects, such as: diets, receipts, health, cellulite, figure, aromatherapy, wholesome food, psychology of relationships, pregnancy, parenting, fashion and many others.